Monday, June 6, 2011

What I learn today: The Unworthy

What if you have fallin’ inlove with someone who doesn’t love you back? Is that stupidity? Foolishness? An act of being blind? Or you just simply fell into the deep well of cupid’s trap, waiting to be saved by the one you love? But even if he saves you, what if he came to just pull you up and does not intend to stay? 

Don’t be like me…I made myself step right into that trap. I let myself fall inlove with someone whom I thought was real. He made me feel like a fool, worst than being blind… I felt so stupid!

Day after day, I found myself falling even deeper, ‘til came a time I realize, the relationship was over. I didn’t fell out of love but rather awakened by the fact that he could never love me the way I love him, he will never be the one whom I'll be sharing my dreams and life with. I was shattered.

It shouldn’t continue for it has no direction, I had promised to just stop. How would it last if “love” only grows within “me” and not within “us”? 

We are somehow common in one thing…I guess. We are looking for each other’s assurance.. we are scared of showing love because we are scared of getting hurt at the end. We assumed that this relationship will end up sooner or later without even thinking the possibility of ending up together, exchanging vows at the altar. His insensitivity and selfishness, eventually hinders me from showing how much care and love I had for him. I am somehow forced to hide it because he too doesn’t want to give, I became selfish like him. He doesn’t even know how to take and appreciate what is given. Sure, he didn’t expect anything from me in return, he shouldn’t be in the first place because he gave nothing. 

“He is unworthy of your love, and doesn’t deserve to be loved”, my head says, but my foolish heart replies, “if you love him, you have to love him freely, just love him and accept him for who he is”. Dilemma that is!!!
Because I love him, I always find reasons to understand his actions, excuses and views in life.
Because I love him, I always had patience to wait for the day he will too feel the same.
Because I love him, I always hope that someday, he will value my existence.
Because I love him, I always respect his every decision, even if it means I get hurt.
Because I love him, I always forgive him even for the times he had taken me for granted.
Because I love him, I always tried looking for something that will prove his worth.
Because I love him, I have forgotten myself, my friends and my world. 

I focused so much of my time thinking that somehow, he would realize how he’s hurting me, that someday he might see his ownself in the mirror and try to figure out how to be a better man… 

Love isn't “ONE WAY”. It should never be. If he doesn't love you back or doesn't love you anymore, don't force it. END IT!

-written when I was at my weakest and that was a long, long time ago! =D

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